Two Questions
By Logan | May 2, 2008
http://nn.byu.edu/story.cfm/68453
1. Is “ink” a verb?
2a. Is “Tyillere” pronounced “Tyler”?
2b. Is “Tyillere” a chick or a dude?
1. I think you could use ink as a verb, in place of “sign.” “Three top-ranked players ink letters of intent.” It’s a little clumsy, but doable. But as it is used here, it sounds like there are now three ink-stained players, courtesy of the cougars. HA!
2a. No, quite obviously it rhymes with “Hillary.” “Tie-ill-er-ree.”
2b. So it’s a chick?
Topics: Funny | No Comments »
Old Man Smell
By Logan | April 30, 2008
Some guy just came into the office, very nicely dressed and very
cordial, but reeking of the Old Man Smell. I don’t think he means to
smell that way, but old men just have an Old Man Smell (not you, Dad,
yet anyway). It lingered a little after he left. I’ll probably have
the Old Man Smell in another 40 years because I think it may be
unavoidable. Here’s my best guesses as to what scents contribute to
and make up the Old Man Smell.
– Shaving cream, the old big-white-foam kind that comes in a large
canister, you know, like Colgate brand or something
– Some old-school deodorant, not Old Spice, which is a younger brand,
ironically
– Living in an old house, you know old houses have a smell
– Clothes that have been in a closet for a long time
– Breath, because I think I read somewhere once that as you age the
bacteria in your mouth change and start to stink a little more
Any other ideas?
Topics: Funny | 4 Comments »
Haiku Time, again
By Braden | April 30, 2008
I hate summer school
I hate summer school so much
I hate summer school
Topics: Gripes | 6 Comments »
BYU Women’s Conference
By Logan | April 29, 2008
See if you can tell why we at Dyneuxmite love this photo. There are at least three reasons.
Topics: Awesome, Funny | 8 Comments »
What is that?
By Braden | April 23, 2008
So finals are over and I managed not to hang myself. Now I have sometime to throw up some posts on the ol’ blog. Now you may say, “I’ve thrown up plenty of times, how hard can that be?!” But I’m betting you won’t. Either way, here I go.
Just after finishing my finals I open the door and walk outside. A young man is strolling by. He casually looks over at me and we make eye contact for half a second. Then he just starts running full speed away from me. What is that? I look at some dude, and he just starts bookin’ it out of there. I like to think that he has some strong natural survival instincts, his body identified me as a predator, and in order to live he ran away. But I don’t know. What do you think? (Please no comments about my face or whether or not I wore deoderant that day)
Topics: Funny | 4 Comments »
Public restrooms are not the place for silence
By Braden | April 11, 2008
Or flash photography for that matter.
Most times when I walk into a bathroom, it’s almost completely silent - a dull echoey cavern. And when somebody blasts a fog horn into an acoustically brilliant ceramic sound-wave director, I have no choice but to hear every reverberation. This is bad and wrong. When I walk in to a bathroom, I do not even want the chance of hearing what someone else is doing. And I especially don’t want anyone else to hear what I’m about to do.
Public bathrooms need to pump in some sort of loud music or noise canceling waves somewhere between the decibel level of a sonic boom and a hydrogen bomb. That way you and I can grunt in peace, neither of us knowing what the other is doing. This would also solve the problem of bathroom conversationalists. I don’t go to the bathroom to chat, neither should you.
Topics: Gripes | 2 Comments »
Public restrooms are not the place for brighter bulbs
By Logan | April 9, 2008
They replaced the light bulbs in the bathroom at work with brighter ones. And I can totally tell. Like, there’s all sorts of things in there that I can see more clearly now — things I’m not sure I wanted to see in the first place. Like that “design” on the tile floor.
Topics: Funny, Gripes | 1 Comment »
Making headlines
By Logan | April 7, 2008
A story I wrote for Sunday’s paper got picked up all over the country (including Canada, a suburb of the U.S.) and even on a China news site. AP did a rewrite of my story and it went out on the wire. But not everybody used it as a news story. From the Lone Star Times blog:
“A 96-year-old man who outlived two wives is separated from his third - by immigration problems.
Canadian Doreen Buttery, 73, was a temporary visitor when she met Leonard “Woody” Woodward at a senior center in Provo.”
96 years old, on his third wife, and the dude’s nickname is “Woody”.
Read the rest (including the Viagra jokes) here.
[UPDATE 5:08 p.m.] By now it’s literally everywhere, including on MSNBC.
Topics: Awesome, Funny | 4 Comments »
A Cartoon-ish Regime
By Logan | April 3, 2008
From Reuters.
Topics: Awesome, Funny | No Comments »
The Opposite of Dyneuxmite
By Logan | April 2, 2008
Topics: Funny | 4 Comments »
Dyneuxmite is ad-free
By Logan | April 2, 2008
OK everyone, it was an early April Fool’s joke. We don’t have any sponsors.
Topics: Funny, Gripes | No Comments »
Breaking news
By Logan | March 31, 2008
Dyneuxmite correspondent DP has uncovered what is very probably an attempt on the Governor’s life. DP reports:
“While I was walking around the city and county building, I passed a tall, silver-haired man talking on his cell phone. And I overheard him say, “… and then the Lieutenant Governor will be Governor….”
Now a word from our sponsors.
Topics: Funny | No Comments »
Wouldn’t school security notice what they’re carrying? Even if it’s in a case?
By Logan | March 31, 2008
“Students Make a Case for Carrying Guns to School” – Headline, 3/19/08, NPR
Topics: Funny | 1 Comment »
Robots
By Logan | March 27, 2008
This is priceless. Thanks for the tip, Rob.
Panel discussion, “Are we giving robots too much power?”
Topics: Funny | 4 Comments »
Dyneuxmite’s World Famous Nap Recipe
By Braden | March 25, 2008
This is a little something that’s been passed down from generation to generation, starting with myself.
Scrumptious Winter Nap
Preheat sleeping surface to 72 degrees.*
Prepare the following ingredients:
1 Cool sheet
1-2 warm blankets
2-3 large down pillows, fluffed
1 you
2 windows, closed (preferably with drapes or blinds)
1 music player (ambient sound machine may be substituted)
1 alarm clock
1 large, lockable, bedroom
1 medium chainsaw, oiled, and/or hammer
Prepare windows by setting drapes or blinds to let in minimal light, do not completely darken room. Set alarm clock by lightly running chainsaw through it, repeat if using hammer. Keep hammer by bed.
In large bedroom, mix first set of ingredients in order, lock door. Stir with arms, legs for approx. 5 min. If desired, turn on music player for soft background noise. Remove blankets if temperature too high.
Let rest for 2-3 hours. If door somehow opens, just reach for hammer, keeping eyes closed. If door doesn’t shut promptly, growl menacingly, 2 to 3 growls as necessary.
Upon awakening, let cool for 15-20 min in wrappings. Call for dinner.
*(The preferred method of heating is putting spouse on surface for 10-15 min. Adjust longer for altitude)
Topics: Awesome | 5 Comments »
