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Wednesday, July 30th, 2008My latest skinny column is up here. Find out why my quadriceps ache.
A chance meeting
Monday, July 21st, 2008So the other half of the Dyneuxmite crew is on vacation (not that he’s earned it) in Maui with his in-laws. Party at his place later, details to follow. He called me last night to tell me he went shopping at Costco. (Across the world and he visits Costco. BORING.) And as he was headed [...]
Name my next child
Thursday, July 17th, 2008In case you missed the news, my wife is expecting a son around Thanksgiving. I give you the SSB-inspired naming matrix:
Ka/Bra/Xa/Da/JaTh/cho/li/st/shPo/bi/den/xy/er
Mix and match syllables (one from each line) to create the best baby names ever. Some early suggestions from co-workers and me:
XachobiDatherJachodenBralixy (My favorite so far. Music to my ears!)
Leave your suggested names in comments. [...]
A bit of a rush job
Thursday, July 17th, 2008I love it when reporters try to tell me there’s a crisis when there’s not. Here’s the first line of the story in question:
“Cold winters can be hard on the homeless, but record heat is life-threatening.”
Yeah, a little freezing weather never killed anyone, people. Just throw on a blanket. Oh wait, that’s the next line [...]
Early college football fever
Tuesday, July 15th, 2008I can’t even eat a chip with guacamole on it these days without wishing I could eat that chip in front of a television screen displaying a college football game. Even the smell of apples and cinnamon makes me think of fall which makes me think of college football. Using this computer at this very [...]
America
Friday, June 27th, 20082nd verse, from Logan:
O beautiful, for pilgrim feet
Which cannot bear a load
Much less a path for freedom beat
Across an empty road!
America! America! God mend thine ev’ry flaw;
Thy soul is well when self propelled, thy body in a spa!
My new favorite blog (besides Dyneuxmite)
Thursday, June 26th, 2008Seriously, so blessed!
Someone has done an excellent, excellent job with this, and my hat goes off to whoever it is. There’s nothing like young Mormon women for a good laugh! So good I left a comment on the top post.
More bragging
Thursday, June 26th, 2008A couple more awards in the Utah chapter of the Society of Professional Journalists. This contest is also divided into divisions, but it’s only in Utah, so we only competed against the Spectrum in St. George and BYU’s Daily Universe. I won first place in medical reporting for the vaccine article and first place in [...]
Greatest food product ever invented
Thursday, June 26th, 2008If you want to know what it is, read my latest Skinny column.
[UPDATE 5/26/08 1:46 p.m.] OK, so I’ll tell you what the food is: Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. Some woman left a message on my phone wanting to know if my column was tongue-in-cheek or if the Dietary Health Advisory Board really called Mac [...]
I reject your rejection letter
Wednesday, June 25th, 2008Stumbled upon this fantastic bit of work:
Dear Professor Millington,
Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
an assistant professor position in your department.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection [...]
But wait…
Wednesday, June 25th, 2008Just seen on a commercial for eyedrops:
“The most common side effect is a burning sensation in the eye”
I’ll take two.
Dyneuxpedia: Weights and Measures
Wednesday, June 11th, 2008Editor’s note: The second in a continuing series of encyclopedic entries designed to share with the world the vast factual and historical knowledge of Dyneuxmite staff. For the first installment, click here.
A “gram” is equal to the weight of a cracker, and a “kilogram” is the amount of force required to end that cracker’s life. [...]
A short history of Pilates
Thursday, June 5th, 2008Pilates, as you all know, is a popular form of exercise among women and females. It involves moving, which means exercise. Pilates was invented back around 30 A.D. by a man named Pontius Pilate (you can see where it got its name). Pilate wasn’t well known and his exercise movement didn’t really catch on until [...]
How to have an enjoyable, romantic Saturday in 20 easy steps
Tuesday, June 3rd, 20081. Make plans to receive spa treatments with your wife while the baby sleeps at Grandpa’s house.2. Make plans to have lunch with your wife before spa treatments. Use a coupon to save money (she won’t mind).3. Scrap plans for lunch when baby won’t sleep.4. Scrap plans for spa treatments when baby still won’t sleep.5. [...]
Bright Ideas
Tuesday, May 27th, 2008So a federal appeals court ruled the other day that our paper money is “violating the law by failing to design and issue currency that is readily distinguishable to blind and visually impaired people.” It was suggested that we print different sized bills or bills with raised ink. I think I have a better idea:
Print [...]
