Funny
« Previous EntriesMetro Editor, answer me!
Tuesday, October 7th, 2008My co-editor got a message today from some old guy who obviously didn’t know he was talking to an answering machine. The recording is below, but if you don’t have sound right now, here’s a recap. It picks up mid phrase, sounding like he says “in please,” but it’s really garbled. Then there’s a pause, [...]
Disney Princess Noodle Soup
Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008Daughter goes to grocery store with wife. Daughter spots Campbell’s Disney Princesses Cool Shapes Pasta with Chicken in Chicken Broth. Daughter shrieks, “Girl, mama! Girl, mama, girl!” Wife puts can of Disney Princess soup in the cart. Daughter repeatedly intones “girl,” perhaps thinking the princesses themselves are within the can. Daughter and wife arrive home. [...]
Time again for search terms
Friday, September 12th, 2008No news today, so I’m blogging instead of working.
I looked up the list of search terms that have lead people to Dyneuxmite, and as always, there’s some real good ones in there. At the top of the list is “lungfish,” which as you readers all know is a frequent and important topic here on Dyneuxmite. [...]
Wearing sunglasses indoors
Friday, September 12th, 2008Dude wanders into work today wearing his sunglasses. Because these fluorescent lights are just blinding. And besides, outside the sun is practically unbearable with all those clouds covering the sky. Reminds me of this guy who used to wear sunglasses all through church. He had two pairs. One I think was supposed to be transitions [...]
Tra la la la la la
Thursday, September 11th, 2008Tra la la la la laTwo little eyes that seeTwo little eyes the blink blink blink And many more things make me.
So goes the primary song. On the CD, it’s a couple of tracks after “If you’re happy and you know it,” which my daughter asks to listen to every time we get in the [...]
Just can’t do it.
Wednesday, September 10th, 2008Here’s wisdom I live by:
“You can wolf down pizza, you can chug a coke, but you can’t do either to yogurt”
-Braden Molyneux
Allow me to explain. Actually, you have no choice, I WILL explain, please excuse my courtesy. I was on the way to school the other day, waiting for the bus. I pulled out my [...]
Overheard
Tuesday, September 9th, 2008At work:
“The hardest part about roller-blading is telling your parents you’re gay.”
Skinny Logan
Friday, September 5th, 2008I wrote another Skinny column. Not really very funny. But that’s what I’ve got — a bad case of the notfunnies.
Haiku time
Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008In the dark of nightNothing cuts through the silenceLike a child’s cry
Wart romoval
Friday, August 15th, 2008This is too good not to pass along. After all, some of you Dyneuxmite readers could benefit from this service. From craigslist:
romove warts free (Utah County)
free remove warts of your body with out pain, no acid no surgery, tell to your friends, any ege. call at 801 427 0703 or for more inf. send [...]
$40 tomatoes
Monday, August 4th, 2008What you may notice about these tomatoes is that they are small. Very small. No larger than grapes. Which would naturally cause you to wonder, “Why on earth would anybody pay more than one of those lousy quarters for those three grape-tomatoes?” We paid $40 for them. That includes the plant, the soil, other plants [...]
What inspires you?
Friday, August 1st, 2008Getting me fed is a difficult task. But the wife does a great job at finding cheap lunch meals for work, so I do alright. The most recent set was Michelina’s. For those of you still reading, Michelina’s (at least the one’s I got) are little microwavable dinners meant to help you eat good portion [...]
Skinny skinny Loginny
Wednesday, July 30th, 2008My latest skinny column is up here. Find out why my quadriceps ache.
A chance meeting
Monday, July 21st, 2008So the other half of the Dyneuxmite crew is on vacation (not that he’s earned it) in Maui with his in-laws. Party at his place later, details to follow. He called me last night to tell me he went shopping at Costco. (Across the world and he visits Costco. BORING.) And as he was headed [...]
Name my next child
Thursday, July 17th, 2008In case you missed the news, my wife is expecting a son around Thanksgiving. I give you the SSB-inspired naming matrix:
Ka/Bra/Xa/Da/JaTh/cho/li/st/shPo/bi/den/xy/er
Mix and match syllables (one from each line) to create the best baby names ever. Some early suggestions from co-workers and me:
XachobiDatherJachodenBralixy (My favorite so far. Music to my ears!)
Leave your suggested names in comments. [...]
