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Dyneuxpedia: Weights and Measures
By Logan | June 11, 2008
Editor’s note: The second in a continuing series of encyclopedic entries designed to share with the world the vast factual and historical knowledge of Dyneuxmite staff. For the first installment, click here.
A “gram” is equal to the weight of a cracker, and a “kilogram” is the amount of force required to end that cracker’s life. A “liter” (or “litre” in England) is a measure of weight, or the force of gravity on time. It is equal to the mass of the president of whichever country in which you reside. This measurement was invented by King George I of England who wanted to be remembered as a historic leader (or “leadre” in England). The original term was a “George” (leading to the English idioms “By George” and because George was on the heavy side, “the broad side of a George”) but after a falling-out with the majority party of the era, parliament opted for a more generic-sounding term, “Leightre,” which meant “leader.” When English pilgrims settled in America, they retained the sound of the word but dropped the extra letters in the spelling as an act of defiance against the English government. As is often the case with American ideas, the new spelling became the standard around the world.
A “furlong” is the measure of a radius around a home or other stationary point (such as a park bench) within which a mother concedes it is safe for her children (or husband) to roam freely. The name of the measure comes from that most cherished of maternal phrases, “Don’t be gone furlong.” Of course, the exact distance within which a child was allowed to roam was interpreted differently by the mothers and the children (and especially by the husbands), leading to spankings and much confusion, as well as the eventual obsoleteness of the term.
Topics: Funny |
HAhahah!! Don’t be gone “furlong”. Hahaha.
Posted by: Anonymous on June 13th, 2008 at 2:07 pm