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There was an old woman who lived on the loo
By Logan | March 17, 2008
Just when I was wondering where on earth I could get inspiration for a gut-busting re-opening post, a Kansas trailer park woman goes and sits on a toilet for so long her body grew around the seat.
I am not kidding. Read this and this; and then go watch this; and you can also check here for any updates. One of my favorite moments in the video is the look on the sheriff’s face when he says “stuck to her.” Priceless.
A lesser blogger would leave it at that (and you can too, if the story grosses you out), but we here at Dyneuxmite are committed to squeezing out all the laughs we can. So here goes.
(un)Answered questions:
1. Chances are the trailer only has one bathroom, so where was HE answering nature’s call? It’s not like she was getting up to let him use the toilet. (”I kept a shovel by the back door.”)
2. If he is “used to” this sort of thing, what was their relationship like before? (”Well, there was that time she refused to let go of the Lucky Charms box and I had to feed them to her.”)
3. What does he think of the Sheriff saying he has “diminished mental capacity”? (”Your mom is a demented capacity, Sherrf.”)
4. Didn’t the neighbors ever mention the smell? (”No. Let’s see, um … nope, don’t think so. What smell?”)
5. When the Sheriff said he had to pry the seat from the stool, which stool did he mean? (”Um, we only have one torlet, sir.”)
6. How did she sleep? (”Sometimes, when I went to bring her a glass of water, I could hear her snoring.”)
7. And there’s a bunch of other obvious ones. (Not the least of which is, What were you thinking?!?!?!)
Possible medical names for her condition:
1. Porcelain Overexposure Trauma (POT)
2. Lower Orifice Ontoiletus (LOO)
3. Joining of Object and Hiney or Nethers (JOHN)
4. Traumatic Half-Requisition of New Externalities (THRoNE)*
*(Even better is that one of the definitions of requisition is “to press into service.” HA!)
Ness City/Kansas Travel Guide
Click here for PDF.
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Posted by: Top Ten Myths about Dyneuxmite’s first week back at Dyneuxmite on March 24th, 2008 at 8:00 pm